I have a feeling this post is going to be full of me rambling, but I at this point I can't really help it. I've had so many different emotions going through me that past couple weeks. I know they're stemming from the fact that I have ZERO control over situations that are arising as of late. The funny thing about this is that it's nothing that's happening with work or home or anything. It's things that are happening in my church.
Looking back about a month ago, I got a call from a lady on our praise team saying that our praise leader wasn't going to be there. Now, I hadn't practiced the night before for our usual Saturday night practices. Brian and I had been hunting and we got to practice late. I had no idea what songs we were doing, I didn't know if I would be able to play them on guitar. (I can't play the piano...yet....and I'm limited to what I can play on guitar). I got to church early to look at the music and it turned out that I could play most of the songs. When it came to chords I didn't know I faked it (shhh). Well to make a long story short, our praise leader hasn't been back. My heart is so burdened for him. He truly is a blessing to me. He was the best man in our wedding. Watching someone you love and care so much about struggle daily kills me. He sent me some texts last night that just made me cry. I miss him terribly and I hope and pray that he comes back. He's going through a lot of personal issues right now and I know he needs prayer and guidance and direction. He's also been faced with a lot of animosity at our church. I know he feels under-appreciated and to be perfectly honest, he should. (This is where I get angry). He does so much for the church, teaches Sunday school to adults, he's the praise and worship leader, he's renovated the entire church basement and made it the new fellowship hall...the list goes on and on. All he hears from other people is how he needs to do this that and the other thing. GIVE THE MAN A FREAKING BREAK!
Another thing that was a shock to me recently was that I was told our keyboard player wasn't going to be on the praise team anymore. He's actually not going to be at the church for a while. When I was told this I didn't know what to think. I wanted to cry. I asked the pastor, if he wasn't going to be there, was his wife still going to be? He said he wasn't sure. This man and his wife are both on the praise team. I almost felt like it was my fault. I had no idea what the reason was. I though it was maybe because he was upset that I was asked to fill in as praise team leader and he wanted to do the job? Maybe that's bad of me to think that? I found out a couple days later when we had a practice (that was also a disaster) what happened. Well, not exactly what happened but I have a general idea. It's sad. Very sad.
These situations that are arising in our church (that not everyone can see) are very discouraging to me. Being as I am a younger Christian I look to most of these people for guidance and encouragement and I can tell you that I've really not been feeling like I can do that lately. I'm 23 years old trying to take on problems that have been going on for years. Long before I ever came to the church. I've been there for almost 11 years and seeing how the church has changed over that time is good and bad. We lost our youth group, most of those people (including me) just lost interest I guess. We all went our separate directions. Now there's only 2 people in the church that are from the original youth group. Me and my friend Aimee. Others have moved away, or got married or had babies...you know. We all grew up I guess. Then there was a college and career class that kind of petered out as well. There's usually only a handful of people that will show up on a Sunday morning for Sunday School (guilty) and there's not many people that will show up for a Wednesday night Bible study/prayer group. Our church isn't terribly big to begin with, but you really notice when there's a lot pf people missing.
I've been told that God is working in our church (and He very well may be doing so) it just sucks watching people go through struggles. Some they've brought on themselves and others are out of their control. I just want unity in our church. We are God's people, we shouldn't acting the way we act or saying the things we say. I am just as guilty as the next person. I am not perfect, no one is, but if you're a professing Christian and you're out doing things you're not supposed to or saying offensive things or what not, then you're totally blowing your testimony. People should be able to look at you and see a difference. You're not supposed to "blend in" you're supposed to stand out.
These are things that have been on my heart for the last couple weeks. I was just going to write them down in a notebook but I changed my mind. I can only pray that God holds our church together, that He works in every single life there. We need a "revival" of sorts. We need lifted up and encouraged. I think our pastor has been feeling discouraged lately ( or at least I'm assuming he has because of all the goings on). Brian and I are going there for dinner tonight. Maybe we can talk about some of these things that are going on.
If you've made it this far, congratulations. I always feel like I shouldn't post things that are this long but this is my blog and I can do what I want right? :-P
My heart has been burdened for our church too. We visited the worship lead once but Aaron's schedule hasn't allowed us to do that again yet and that makes us both sad. We love him very much too.
ReplyDeleteI tried to call one of our church members that hasn't been there in a while but never got a returned call.
It does seem like there is a lot of bitterness/strife/something going on in our church and we keep praying that if there needs to be rebuking happening, it will happen, that people will repent of their sins, and that we can have the unity to which we are called.
I'm glad that others are feeling similarly.
I don't know everything that's going on, nor do I need to as most of it would probably be gossip, but sometimes it's hard to pray when you don't know.
I love you and miss hanging out. We should do that soon again :).
I completely agree with your title. I think our church does need a revival. It is hard to see so many people going through tough situations, especially people that we really love.
ReplyDeleteIt has helped to make me realize how infrequently I tell people that I appreciate them and what they do. I am very thankful for many things and people, I just need to learn to say that more. That is something I have been learning recently.